I’m an impatient person. I admit it. I can’t help it. If there were an “Impatience Anonymous” help group, I’d probably need to go, and I’d probably intend to go, but I doubt that I’d ever get around to it because it would require me planning to attend the meeting at a given time in the future, and I’d blow it off or forget about it … it’s not right now.
I’m a relatively sporadic and adventurous person, but that’s as much a character trait as it is a direct response to the disdain of waiting and planning. I’ve been conditioned for life on demand. Instant. Automatic. Direct. Efficient. If the world doesn’t keep up, I struggle to adapt.
“What are you doing next Wednesday night?” … Probably whatever I decide to do on Wednesday afternoon. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” … Are you serious?! I don’t know what I’m going to be doing with my life in five weeks.
I remember the first signs of impatience: Second grade. Mrs. Hopson’s class. Mad Math. You get ~10 problems (that are a little more advanced than you’re used to) to work out over the course of a few minutes, and when time is up, everyone gets to compare answers and see who managed to get the most done correctly. Invariably, I’d race through the page in a subconscious effort to destroy the other students in their pursuits, and when I got to the end, in dramatic fashion, I’d drop my pencil on the desk and stretch … oh so nonchalantly. I’ve already proven that I could finish the exercise quicker than everyone else, but I’m antsy about how many I got right. Any less than 80%, and the world was coming to an end. The seconds would draw on for minutes and the minutes for hours until the timer rang and it was time to see who was the smartest kid in class (which is not the case at all, but it’s definitely how I looked at it). I’d be frustrated by the wait. “I’m done. Everyone else needs to be done now too (as long as they get done after me).
The tendency would echo in various academic pursuits over the years, and it would ultimately result in a malaise and boredom with the school process. I’d do what I need to keep the A’s rolling in, but that work would be marked by the chaotic touch of an overconfident procrastinator. I took pride in not having to study or work too hard on homework, even through college: the most telling example being my abhorrence for revising papers or projects… I was completely content with my initial work. I couldn’t stand reading through the “draft” for errors. I work very intentionally, but that intentionality typically needs some kind of urgency. In an urgent situation, you make a call and it’s final. That’s what I’m all about.
I like that. I know what I need to know about it. I want it. I buy it. Quickly.
I blame the Internet at-large. The reasons coming in Pt. 2 … If I can hold myself to planning that future post.
Damn it.
